GOODBYES

Time is a gift. How we use that gift determines if we live a life filled with regrets or live a life filled with peace and contentment. Two days after my last entry, my 94 year old Papa went home to be with the Lord. I rejoice for him but I hurt for myself and my family. We flew back to St Louis a week ago to celebrate his homegoing. The Lord gave me hope and strength to say goodbye to the man who welcomed me into his life and more importantly, into his heart, 54 years ago. I cherish all of the memories from my childhood and right up until the day he died. After my mom died 13 years ago, my resolve was that he knew that I loved him for who he was, and for the love he had always given to myself and my family so generously. I never wanted him to think that Mom was the only reason for our relationship or to question my love and loyalty once she was gone. I wanted him to know he was a priority and never an afterthought.

Intentionality requires sacrifice. You set aside your own wants and desires to meet the needs of others. Jesus is our best example of sacrifice and intentionality. I miss the standard over and over but once in a while, I get it right. It's usually short-lived, given my sin nature, but God never stops giving me opportunities to try again. Initially, at the visitation seeing my Papa in the casket, jolted me into the reality that there weren't going to be any more new memories with him, I would have to rely on my lifetime of memories, to bring me comfort. After the initial shock, as all of us shared stories and memories, comfort and hope saturated me and gave me strength. It wasn't until we got to the National Cemetery, that my emotions spilled over. My Papa, proud Scotsman and Army veteran got a beautiful (but rushed) send off. They have a lot of funerals each day, and so their pavillion shelters are in a constant state of use. I found someone to play the bagpipes before, during, and after his service. The bagpipes, along with full Military honors, will always be etched in my memory. Another is our 5 year old grand-daughter waving and saying "Goodbye Opi" from the back of the room.

Time moves forward, irregardless of our feelings or state of mind. We got back home after midnight Friday night and I have found myself physically and emotionally drained. I know that it's normal and I will need time to begin healing. What a blessing that Jehovah Rapha Himself, is our healer and our peace, in all things.