PROVISION

For all of my Christian walk, I have been aware of the word, provision. I have seen God’s faithfulness in providing for me whether it is for my physical needs, wisdom, direction, protection, faith, strength, encouragement…the list goes on.

Jesus told His disciples that God provides for the sparrows and that they were even more precious to Him; why wouldn’t He take care of them as well?

But how do you deal with disappointment? We’ve all experienced it.

The lab report wasn’t what we had hoped for. The job we thought was perfect, didn’t come through. That promising relationship fell apart. The dream we were so excited about, is dashed and crashes to the ground. People we counted on, let us down. Loved ones die too early. It’s often hard for us to see that God provides for us when the bottom drops out and we’re left standing there holding the broken pieces. When we're hurting that deeply, we question where He is, and wonder if He even cares.

I've been walking with the Lord almost 43 years and there are still times when I wonder why God allows the things that He does. In most things, after time passes, I'm allowed to see how God's way was clearly the best way. Other times, He gives me no explanation, and I just have to trust, that "His ways are not my ways". God's faithfulness to me isn't conditional, it's not determined by how intimately I am walking with Him at the time, and thank goodness for that! God's character is absolute and never changes; unlike the world we live in today where people determine their own truth, which is usually dependent on society or their own feelings. The Old Testament Prophet, Jeremiah knew that "the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. Who can know it?" How blessed we are to have a road map to true happiness and joy, that we are not left to navigate our way through this life relying on our own abilities.

King David tells us in Psalm 34, to “taste & see, that the Lord is good.” It's during those times when God appears to be silent that I choose to remember how good and faithful He has been to me in the past. God is not required to prove Himself to me and yet He does just that. Many years ago, the Holy Spirit revealed to me that my testimony is not limited to that day on a calendar when I surrendered my life to Jesus and gave Him permission to be in charge. Instead, my testimony is a living, daily experience, of how the God of the universe walks beside me and guides me into a better way to live. While the book of Revelation deals with future things, the verse, "And they overcame him, by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony;" is applicable for today. I am an overcomer because of the blood of Jesus and my testimony, (those God encounters/experiences) remind me that God has not forsaken me.

I have hope and joy, even when things are hard, and that means I am indeed truly blessed.

MADE NEW

Have you ever felt like you didn’t measure up? Like your past mistakes have defined who you are, and that there is no value attached to you? Have you believed that the lies spoken over you or whispered in your ear even, have weight to them? I understand all too well how the enemy of my soul uses condemnation to paralyze me.

I remember as a child questioning my worth. I never felt pretty enough, smart enough, slim enough…somehow in my mind, I was always lacking. As I grew older, those feelings of low self-esteem and insecurity influenced the decisions I made. I craved attention and approval, like most people do that feel inadequate. At that time, I did not know the One who created me and knew me better than I knew myself; the One who delights in me, desired a relationship with me. I grew up religious, but I had no relationship.

God pursued me from the time I was 9 years old when the Holy Spirit stirred my heart at a Billy Graham Crusade. I sometimes wonder if my life would have looked differently had I been allowed to go forward and receive Christ as my Lord and Savior? It’s possible, but I don’t camp out there because it’s enough for me to have recognized “God’s faithful loving kindness, the love that never let’s go”, throughout my life…HESED.

Even after I said yes to Jesus at the age of 21, I still dealt with these feelings about myself. For some who come to Christ, there is an instantaneous deliverance from the things that hold us in bondage. For myself, it was a process that took years, decades even, to come to terms with. At the right time, God had to deal with the woundedness of my past, before He could address the lies that I had chosen to believe in my present. God delivered me from bitterness and resentment, made me whole and healthy, and He gave me a new identity.

That healing transformed me as well as, every relationship in my life. But even after that, there was a spirit of condemnation that hung over me. It would rear its ugliness in the dead of night, awakening me, weighing down my chest and reminding me of all my failures. Like clockwork at 3AM, it would begin an endless loop of accusation. I would lie awake, cry bitter tears and hate myself; I even began to dread going to bed knowing what the night would bring.

One night, in desperation, I cried out, 2 Corinthians 5:17,

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone and the new has come.”

IMMEDIATELY, the weight lifted from me, and I had the physical confirmation that the name of Jesus has power within it. I remember feeling overwhelmed by His presence and the comfort His presence gave me. Many times, after that, I would still be awakened in the middle of the night, but that Scripture became my anthem and every single time, the enemy fled. Before this encounter, I had not comprehended that when Jesus delivered Himself up for my salvation, He died not only to give me new life for eternity, my future, but also new life for my present.

I think I had to experience all of that to have the gratitude I have today. It also taught me the importance of knowing Scripture and memorizing it. My heart’s desire is to be a student of the Word.

Now I can truly say, that this life is indeed blessed.

FRONT PORCH SITTIN'

I've been on a hiatus from blogging for a few years now. I still keep a journal, but I've let my retired lifestyle go its own way and I just haven't made time for it. So, I decided to create a new blog for some new, and some not so new, thoughts.

Earlier this week, I was sitting on the front porch and enjoying the Montana life here in the mountains. The Lilac bushes are in bloom and the Hummingbirds and Tiger Swallowtails are hovering all over the flowers. It's been breezy with delightful temperatures and it stays light out until 10 PM. Along with those breezes, the Pine tree pollen has left it's mark on every possible surface imaginable. Now that it has peaked, I removed all the pillows and cushions from the porch furniture and washed them. I also moved the furniture into the yard and gave it a thorough washing with the power washer our son-in-law gave Dave a couple of years ago. I swept and used the leaf blower on the porch and now it is ready for everyone to "sit a spell" and get their relaxation on.

Years ago, not long after we bought the house, we had our contractor friend redo the porch since the concrete was crumbling. He did some other work, like moving the meter box and what we wound up with, was basically another living area. It's a peaceful spot and even in winter, we will sit out there when we are taking a break from snow shoveling and snow blowing.

Besides reading out there, Dave and I will just sit and listen to the birds, have a conversation with each other as well as talk on the phone, since our cell reception has steadily gotten worse this last year. A couple of years ago, Dave installed bat boxes and if we are out there early enough in the summer with our coffee, we will see them swooping and darting through the yard and even over our heads as we sit on the porch. The Hummingbirds will buzz us as they come into the feeders or the hanging baskets and chase each other around the yard. We will watch deer come through the yard, and sometimes the mamas will bring their speckled babies with them. They will drink from the bird bath, munch on the grass and lie down and rest.

Such a good life we get to live...peace, tranquility and calm.

I'm walking in the things I once prayed for. This life is indeed blessed.

"That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever." Psalm 30:12