MADE NEW

Have you ever felt like you didn’t measure up? Like your past mistakes have defined who you are, and that there is no value attached to you? Have you believed that the lies spoken over you or whispered in your ear even, have weight to them? I understand all too well how the enemy of my soul uses condemnation to paralyze me.

I remember as a child questioning my worth. I never felt pretty enough, smart enough, slim enough…somehow in my mind, I was always lacking. As I grew older, those feelings of low self-esteem and insecurity influenced the decisions I made. I craved attention and approval, like most people do that feel inadequate. At that time, I did not know the One who created me and knew me better than I knew myself; the One who delights in me, desired a relationship with me. I grew up religious, but I had no relationship.

God pursued me from the time I was 9 years old when the Holy Spirit stirred my heart at a Billy Graham Crusade. I sometimes wonder if my life would have looked differently had I been allowed to go forward and receive Christ as my Lord and Savior? It’s possible, but I don’t camp out there because it’s enough for me to have recognized “God’s faithful loving kindness, the love that never let’s go”, throughout my life…HESED.

Even after I said yes to Jesus at the age of 21, I still dealt with these feelings about myself. For some who come to Christ, there is an instantaneous deliverance from the things that hold us in bondage. For myself, it was a process that took years, decades even, to come to terms with. At the right time, God had to deal with the woundedness of my past, before He could address the lies that I had chosen to believe in my present. God delivered me from bitterness and resentment, made me whole and healthy, and He gave me a new identity.

That healing transformed me as well as, every relationship in my life. But even after that, there was a spirit of condemnation that hung over me. It would rear its ugliness in the dead of night, awakening me, weighing down my chest and reminding me of all my failures. Like clockwork at 3AM, it would begin an endless loop of accusation. I would lie awake, cry bitter tears and hate myself; I even began to dread going to bed knowing what the night would bring.

One night, in desperation, I cried out, 2 Corinthians 5:17,

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone and the new has come.”

IMMEDIATELY, the weight lifted from me, and I had the physical confirmation that the name of Jesus has power within it. I remember feeling overwhelmed by His presence and the comfort His presence gave me. Many times, after that, I would still be awakened in the middle of the night, but that Scripture became my anthem and every single time, the enemy fled. Before this encounter, I had not comprehended that when Jesus delivered Himself up for my salvation, He died not only to give me new life for eternity, my future, but also new life for my present.

I think I had to experience all of that to have the gratitude I have today. It also taught me the importance of knowing Scripture and memorizing it. My heart’s desire is to be a student of the Word.

Now I can truly say, that this life is indeed blessed.